The Happiness of Pursuit

The pleasure of getting what you want is often fleeting.

I read an excerpt from the book of Ecclesiastes the other day. I was so intrigued, I decided to find my Bible, dust it off and read the whole book(of Ecclesiastes, that is). I remember certain verses from this book as a kid, and the ever popular Chapter 3 'A Time For Everything'. But even more than that, I found that the author of this book was one depressed individual. He had everything anyone could ever want in that time: silver and gold, treasures, singers, concubines, herds and flocks, and great possessions. Yet, he could not find meaning or joy in what he had. He even tried to pursue works by building gardens, houses and parks, and found that it was all pointless. He then tried learning, hard work, and even wine, but he could not shake the feeling that his life had no more worth or meaning than that of an animal. Everything was meaningless to him. I kept reading the word 'meaningless' over and over throughout this book, while thinking to myself, 'Suck it up, Buttercup, geez!'. I think I may have found the oldest report of a mid-life crisis here.

He also talked about the great wisdom he had, and as I thought about this, I decided he was quite full of himself as well because if he had been wise, he would have understood that happiness is not an end result. You can't find happiness by being successful or getting what you want. You can, however, find success in happiness, by Enjoying The Journey.

We are all born with a typical level of happiness. Those who see the cup as half-full are optimists, and those who see the cup as half-empty are pessimists. This is referred to as someone's affective style according to Jonathan Haidt, which reflects one's everyday balance of approach and withdrawal. Optimists experience more positive emotions, and pessimists have more fear, anxiety, and are prone to becoming depressed. It is interesting to observe this in people. There are those who go through difficult and even tragic situations with grace and a certain level of acceptance; and then there are those who crumble under the slightest of circumstances.

Those of us who did not win the 'cortical lottery' as Jonathan Haidt puts it in his book, The Happiness Hypothesis , do have hope though. Haidt says meditating, doing cognitive therapy, and even taking Prozac can help. If I had written this, I would have added regular and consistent aerobic exercise to this list. He does have a list HERE of things one can do to become happier if you would like to check it out.

My drug of choice is running. And I may have even practiced 'cognitive therapy' without realizing what I was doing. Even though I haven't completely labeled myself as an optimist or a pessimist, I do believe I was born with a certain amount of resilience and a survival instinct somehow, so maybe I do indeed lean more toward optimism.

I understand depression is a very real thing. I have seen it in close family members and friends. But some people get so self-absorbed and develop such a 'victim mentality' that they feel everything is being done 'to' them. They feel as if they have no control over what happens to them or how they feel.

I have felt this at times through my son's illness, and also at particular times when there have been people in my life who were unsupportive, and basically mean. I felt a certain justification in my 'how dare you' mentality, but also knew that I would not grow emotionally or spiritually holding on to that thinking. I knew I was better than that.

A friend turned me on to a song called, 'Sounds Like Life To Me'. It is worth listening to...several times. There are those times when people go through very difficult times such as family illness/death...and I am not talking about these major life tragedies. I am talking about the things we get our panties in a bunch over that are just normal, everyday happenings. You know, the things that really stink, and put us in a bad mood and cause us to develop a poor attitude. We all deal with these things every single day. It's called 'life'. We do indeed have a choice with how we respond to these events though.

The king of Jerusalem in Ecclesiastes failed to 'stop and smell the roses'. He was so caught up in trying to find meaning and what would ultimately make him happy, that he lost sight of the fact that it is in the journey that brings about euphoria and joy, not the accomplishment in and of itself. He must have just fallen apart when things didn't go his way. There is a two-fold lesson here: Enjoy the journey, and suck it up, buttercup. Sounds like life to me.

Enjoying The Journey and Sucking it up when need be,
Candy